Who Would Win In A Fight?

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT?

by Chris Wanstrath & Ric Hickey

The orchestral kestrel or the selfish shellfish?

The sharp carp or the stout trout?

The fat cat or the regal eagle?

The tough pufferfish or the jolly collie?

The classy ass or the honky donkey?

The leper leopard or the lyin' lion?

The plotting otter or the innocuous octopus?

The teal seal or the blue ewe?

The funky monkey or the new gnu?

The squawkin' hawk or the kickin' chicken?

The obtuse mongoose or the acute newt?

The hairless hare or the bare bear?

The loose moose or the tight mite?

The shy fly or the ant's aunt?

The maroon baboon or the quirky turkey?

The jammin' salmon or the redacted arachnid?

The wan swan or the dirty birdy?

The combat wombat or the orangutan from the Yucatan?

The now cow or the later gator?

The firm worm or the fricasseed chickadee?

The sneaky snake or the freaky drake?

Oodles of poodles or a slew of shrews?

Piles of reptiles or multiple marsupials?

The lark on a lark or the pelican again?

A million lice or lotsa mice?

The odd cod or the macabre macaw?

Golfing dolphins or boxing oxen?

The remote goat or the corroded toad?

The smitten kitten or the pale whale?

The sanguine penguin or the beloved dove?

A frothy moth or a foolish mule?

A hoarse horse or a huffy puffin?

A titmouse or a pussyfoot?

A spicy spider or a sugar glider?

A bug in a rug or a pig in a blanket?

And, I have to ask: A slow ass sloth or a half assed asp?

"Rockin' Robin" or "Surfin' Bird"?

The cartoon loon or a cultured vulture?

A bottomless pit of hippopotamuses or a ravine of raving rabid rabbits?

A stampede of centipede specters or a holy host of roly poly ghosts?

A pangolin in Wranglers or a zebra in a zoot suit?

A giraffe in Jordache jorts delivering Door Dash to a kangaroo court or a fleet of street smart mosquitoes with Uber Eats?

A panda in a Honda or a dachshund in a Datsun?

A cheery skunk or a drunk chipmunk?

A killer koala or a chillin' chihuahua?

A female snail or a girl squirrel?

A bucket of uppity guppies or a vat of tattooed gnats?

A bird dog or a catfish?

The mahi mahi from Sing Sing or the dodo from Walla Walla?

A snappy crab or… A yappy Labrador?

The flea on skis or the bee lost at sea?

A smidgen of pigeon or a pinch of finch?

Some showy crow bros with GoPros or a techno gecko from Petco that echoes, "Heck, no!"